I know that there are some real feelings behind yesterday's whiny post, but I also think that it's partly the cold, the dark, and the time in the term. Interestingly, I'm giving Happier at Home another chance, and I just got to the point where Gretchen has a dark night of the soul of sorts, and complains that she's tired of her own voice, her continued failure to keep her resolutions...She mentions that it feels like Groundhog Day, just in time for the holiday, which is coming up. Maybe this is just a February phenomenon.
Just writing the post yesterday felt better, as did the supportive comments. I do feel, as Shauna and Kick Kick said, that things in my life have become a little stagnant. The dreams I have been having are so vivid partly because of the allergy meds I take (my sister had the same experience when she took them) but I think I am also really feeling the need to be more creative. (I don't think anything in particular was on TV, Vickie, I was flipping channels.)
So, "Define the problem." I am not writing because I'm afraid to write. I love writing on my blog because it's easy, and quick, and I get almost immediate feedback. The idea of laboring over a manuscript and then trying to get it published, assuming it's any good, and then possibly facing bad reviews... (yes, I haven't written anything yet and already it's getting panned by the critics! I should be so lucky as to get bad reviews!) The idea of writing for my own satisfaction sounds great, but it's hard to imagine writing and not having someone read it.
To be doing something productive, I spent some time researching self-publishing. I know a couple of people who have self-published books, and they seemed to enjoy the experience. I don't know if I would go that direction, for sure, but it gives me a sense that at the very least, I could self-publish and put links on Facebook and on my blog and have at least a few friends read it. I read (and favorably reviewed on Amazon) my friend's self-published romance novel and it was a lot of fun for $3.99. Why not just do something like that if I'm worried about the whole publishing thing?
First, write. Then figure it out. Starting next week, I'm going to give myself a 15-minute block each morning just for writing (and fun writing, not academic writing or paper-grading) and see what happens. When I tried NaNoWriMo, I was having fun with it until I got too bogged down in schoolwork and freaked out and quit. I waste more than 15 minutes a day on Facebook, my real-life equivalent to sitting in an alley with baboons while flipping channels. Why not use that time for something more productive?
Thanks again for continuing to read, comment, and give me a chance to get my head clear. Now, back to the papers.