I get fascinated with the Facebook feature "On this day," which lets me look back to memories as long ago as about 2008, when I started using the site regularly. Lately "On this day" has been letting me know that about two years ago, though I was not happy with my weight, I was thinner than I am right now. The picture on the left was taken a few weeks ago, and the right, two years ago.
I haven't quite gained 20 pounds, but close, and that means that instead of trying to lose the last 20, I'm dealing with 40 unwanted pounds. This is what two years of weight gain looks like:
You'll notice it's not all straight up, lots of peaks and valleys. Still, the general trend is up. And what happened in those two years? For one thing, my dad started to go into a rapid decline, eventually leading to a long period of suffering before his death. I was also starting to realize that my "dream job" was no longer what it had been. That started one uptick. Then things leveled off for a while. I even lost a little bit of weight as I was training for my big race last year, not a lot, but a little.
Then, after the race, I decided to see a functional medicine doctor, who told me I was exercising too much and that I should back way off of my workouts, cut out dairy and coffee and go gluten-free. At the time, I didn't realize how sharply my weight was rising. I'm sure that I could have handled all of that better. I had also quit my old job and committed to my new corporate contracting gig. At that time, I liked the work, but I had less time for my old routines, and I'm sure that didn't help.
I'm in a situation now where I want to make a lot of changes. I have a different assignment at work and I don't like it as much as my original one. It involves a lot of administrative tasks and not a lot of human interaction. It's stressful and boring at the same time. I have been really regretting not finding a way to stick it out at my faculty job -- even though I was unhappy with a lot of things that were going on there, I had a role to fill and a lot of people I cared about. Now I spend most of my days alone in a cubicle doing computer work. I feel like I gave up on my dreams trying to chase a higher salary, and I didn't even get the money to show for it.
It has been really hard going through all of this. I don't say that as an excuse -- I'm disappointed that I wasn't able to hold my healthy habits together better than I did. I still am hoping to find better, more satisfying work, preferably in an environment that is more conducive to my mental and physical health. In the meantime, I'm going to do my best to make changes where I can.
|Me on the left, with two of my awesome tri friends.|