I got that comment on my blog yesterday after posting a sort of rant that probably didn't make sense to anyone but me. I edited my post to delete the confusing material, and while I was at it, hid the comments too. My feelings of being misunderstood were probably all out of proportion with the intent of the comment. I appreciate all comments, because it's nice to know that someone is reading and reacting.
I was trying (unsuccesfully, I think) to work out in my head some of the emotional reasons behind my struggles with weight. Jillian Michaels talks about this all the time on her podcast and in her books, and I was listening to Unlimited, which focuses a lot on both fear of failure -- other people will think you are a loser -- and fear of success -- other people might think you are stuck-up or self-centered. Geneen Roth wrote whole books on the Food-Love connection. So I don't think it's ranging too far afield to think that there might be something emotional holding me back.
A couple of things come to mind. Most of my family members are overweight, not surprising because of the way we seem to eat when we're together. One of my sharpest memories from growing up are the moments when I "learned" that all my family members weren't just perfect the way they are (Grandma was perfectly Grandma to me, until I was absentmindedly stroking her chin and she told me to stop because the loose skin there was ugly) but were in fact, too fat, or too old, or too something. Adults would talk about being on diets, mostly some variation of Atkins. They would lament about how they couldn't eat bread, because bread was fattening, but that bread looked good, oh, maybe just one piece... It seemed clear that family status and weight were closely linked, but you also had to eat what was offered or risk upsetting everyone. The fact that I used to be a very picky eater seemed to be part of the reason I always felt a little outside.
In my marriage, my weight struggles -- and more recently, my husband's -- have also had way more significance than they should, becoming emblematic of all that was wrong with my life and, mostly, me. I remember that when I got to goal, one of my frustrations was that I still felt like my marriage and other relationships still weren't what I wanted to be, and the only thing I knew how to "fix" was my weight. Instead, I just felt a free-floating anxiety.
I have done a lot of work, with my husband and on my own, around these issues emotionally and I really feel like I am learning to deal with them. At this point, it may be more about the mechanics of meal planning and exercise, but I needed to get to the point where food was food, and love was love, before I could make the other parts work. I have tried, so many times and for so long, to make the mechanics work without working on anything else and, well, the fact that I have been blogging here for 7 years and am still not close to goal tells you everything you need to know about how well that works.
Maybe it's different for other people, but for me, relationships and weight and food all got tangled together in a way that made it necessary to work on all of it at the same time. Otherwise, it was like trying to untangle a knotted string by just pulling on one end.