Last week's virtual meeting idea was a bust. It didn't give me the feeling of support that I sometimes found in Weight Watchers meetings. Thinking back, the best meetings for me were the At Work meetings, where I actually had some relationship with the people who were there with me. When I didn't know anyone at the meeting and didn't really feel I had anything in common with them, they just made me feel frustrated.
Lately I have been feeling more panicked than frustrated. My weight seems to have reached a new plateau in the high 170s/low 180s. I am toward the low end in the middle of the week, and back up in the high end at the end of the week. Besides not really feeling happy with the way my body feels and looks, I am afraid the trend will be to increase and increase.
I don't feel much relationship to the person I was when my weight seemed like an easy thing to manage. I don't even remember how I did it. I have been casting around for something that will work -- which to me means easily get me back to the weight I used to be without a struggle. I am pretty sure that nothing like this exists. I have toyed with the idea of going back to Weight Watchers, but I was never really able to do it right. When I got to goal, I was treating it like a diet. I managed to stick fairly strictly to the program until I hit my goal weight, and then I stopped. Most of the time that I did follow the program, I was hungry and cranky. I have been doing calorie counting, but not with much consistency. I have been exercising, but it hasn't made a difference this time. I thought getting my thyroid meds at the right level would help -- but my doctor says everything is normal and I'm still stuck. The idea of mindful eating and mindfulness in general sounds nice, but then I sit down to eat without distractions and feel like I'm going to go crazy.
This morning as I was waking up I was turning this problem over in my head and a phrase I've heard before, "The next right action" popped into my mind. I made Toasted Peanut Butter Oats for breakfast. I plan to go for a bike ride today. Maybe if I stop panicking about what might happen in the future or regretting what I did or didn't do in the past, I can get through this rough patch.