After having lunch with a friend the other day and thinking a lot about how much our choices shape our lives and our health, I had been doing a lot of long, hard thinking about how that was working in my own life.
I have not lost weight this summer, even with all the exercise I've been doing. I have maintained or even gained a few pounds. There was one short time this summer when I started to lose a little -- when I was doing Weight Watchers Online. My momentum was short-lived, though, and when my subscription came up for renewal, I didn't renew it. I did a lot better with meetings -- when my heart was really in it. I've been thinking about what I really want, and losing that weight means a lot to me. Enough to take the chance of failing again.
Weight Watchers has a special deal on its monthly pass -- if you sign up for one month, you get a second month free. I decided it was time to try meetings again. Armed with a freshly-printed temporary pass, I am going to my first meeting this morning. If I don't like this meeting, I will try every meeting in my area until I find one that works for me.
My first weigh-in number will not be pretty. But I'm trying to remind myself that that's kind of the point.
I debated about telling my husband. I thought about going without saying anything. Sometimes I am afraid to tell him I'm trying to lose weight for fear of being monitored. He means well, but that kind of attention just makes me feel embarassed and self-conscious and sad. I want to do this my way without a lot of input from the peanut gallery. I figured, though, that it would be hard to make changes without him noticing. I told him, but also told him I'd rather not have any comments about what I was eating, how much I was exercising, etc. He promised to be supportive and not judgmental.
Let's hope we can both stick to it this time around.