I have been bigger than I am and smaller than I am. Somehow I just seem more comfortable here, where I don't have to work too hard and can have more than the occasional treat meal. I am healthy and active, so who cares, right?
I care. I am not happy when I see photos (like the one on the Fitblogger Tough Love session liveblog) that show my extra weight in an unflattering light. I have been fooling around with the same 20-30 pounds for about 10 years now, and like many of the other Fitbloggers, have actually gained weight since I started blogging about weight loss.
What's the deal? I let myself off the hook too often. There are too many special occasions, too many "just this onces," and too many times where I know I'm misbehaving so I don't bother to track. This summer I have done better, because I'm paying Weight Watcher dues, but I need to carry my good habits into the crazy school year. Sometimes I'm not going to do things perfectly, but I can at least live the spirit of #wycwyc. Maybe it is going to take a little more effort to get to my goals than I have been putting out. It's all a matter of what I want more.
My fitness this summer has been on point. I am genuinely proud of myself, especially for being fit enough to do a sprint triathlon on short notice. It's great that I can make myself work out when I'm off for summer vacation, but I need to also carry the #wycwyc philosophy with me when things are busier.
I also don't have to be so defensive. When someone asks if this is my first race or tries to give me encouraging training tips, even though I have been running for more than 20 years and doing triathlons for more than 10, they are not trolling -- they are genuinely trying to be encouraging, even if it makes me feel sad because I don't "look like a triathlete/runner." It's more important to train like one and feel like one than to look like one. If I let what people think hold me back from accomplishing my goals, that's my problem, not theirs. I am not the only one doing athletic things in an unathletic-looking body. Remember that first triathlon and how I felt? That's what I should strive for, not an age-group award or universal acceptance of the fact that I am awesome (I expect that I should not hold my breath for the latter).
I may not become a paragon of Fitblogger Tough Love myself. I don't feel right trying to hold other people accountable until I do a little better with myself. When Margo mentioned that there may be a time when one of our Fitblogger family is not there because of a lifestyle-induced illness, I felt sad but I also knew that there might not be anything I can do about that. I have people much closer to me that I would like to help, but I feel like the only thing I can really do is do my best to be a good example and give help and encouragement when it is asked for. It's hard to see someone struggling, but I remember all those times I was "called out" at my top weight, and it just made me feel sadder and more desperate. I'm not going to do that to people I love.
As for this week's weigh-in?
I didn't weigh myself this morning at home, because I want to face the music at the meeting no matter how it comes out. I didn't track while I was in Savannah because of spotty phone reception, and my choices were a mixed bag: Both salads and fried green tomatoes made their way onto my plate. I only regret the things that were not mindful indulgences, like having the second soft pretzel at the Saturday reception because I was tired. It could go either way. I'm not going to let it save me or sink me -- I know that either way, I need to do the right thing and track and follow the program from now on.
I was happy to find that I was down 0.4 even with my adventures in Southern food. I think it is because I didn't completely abandon my good sense while I was away -- I tried to make most of my indulgences really worth it.
My weight tracker is still pretending my gain two weeks ago didn't happen. I double-checked in my meeting and all the weigh-ins are on my record. Bug in the app?
This week's Weight Watchers meeting was all about bouncing back from slip ups. Our leader asked how we feel when we have a bad week. One response was, "I might as well quit until I can give it 100%."
I realized that this was the main reason I quit WW all those times. And even though I could never seem to do the program 100%, I sure could quit 100%. When we were asked to make a sticky note that would remind us to keep going, I kept that theme in mind.
Interestingly, the "Find Your Fingerprint" book I got in the Member's Tool Kit I purchased has a suggestion to assign a score to each week, and to shoot for 85%, not 100%. I'm going to start implementing this. Even if I just succeed 60% of the time!
Finally, note to self: Bring a paper tracker to Mackinac Island. There is no way the phone tracking will be good there either.