Friday, May 16, 2014

"I can't give you the numbers you want"

I like this post by Emily, because it perfectly expresses the way I have been feeling:

when people find me and see “weight loss,” they want to know results. The truth is: I can’t give you the numbers you want. . . There’s only so long you can talk about your weight before it becomes a complete obsession. Every emotion gets tied to it. And it really makes you dislike yourself.

I am trying to do more than lose weight, even though weight loss is part of what I want to do. I want to find more than just a smaller me, I want to find a happier and healthier me, and I want to know myself better.  

When I post a bad weigh-in and there is a challenge to figure out what I did wrong, I don't always feel like I did anything "wrong," it was just that other priorities took precedence over the weight loss that week.  

My last weigh-in took place after a week that had all day meetings followed by a wine-and-cheese reception, Mother's Day, and my husband's birthday in it.  I have an injury that prevents me from some of the exercise I would normally do to help give myself the wiggle room to enjoy some of the festivities without weight gain.  I made compromises -- at the work event, I decided I really wanted to have a glass of wine and some cheese but stayed away from the store-bought sheet cake and omnipresent cookies. I filled up the rest of my little plate with raw veggies and some of the fresh fruit.  I didn't completely abstain, because I didn't want to just stand on the sidelines with a glass of water and a fistful of celery. 

I'm a moderator, not an abstainer. I understand that my perspective on this is just as hard to understand for people who hold the opposite view as theirs would be for me. I understand that my approach means slower weight loss.  That's okay, because when I lost weight quickly before, I regained it just as quickly. 

It's more important to me to feel comfortable in my own skin than to have a certain number on the scale or to have a certain number on the tag in my clothes. I have been finding it easier to look in the mirror (or my iPhone camera) and smile lately. That's real progress. 




8 comments:

  1. "Other priorities took precedence" . I love that! Health is definitely a top priority, but sometimes it can not be my entire focus. I find that to lose it has to be my #1. Continuing to find that medium...

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    1. Definitely. This week, since I should have fewer distractions, I want to make it more of a priority.

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  2. Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day. This is a great post. I completely agree that we need to feel comfortable in our skin regardless of the number on the scale.

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  3. That is major progress and, in my opinion, at the heart of the change that needs to occur for us to make lifelong changes we can live with, are happy with, etc. I find people really don't get how central the issue of self acceptance and self love are to all of this. great post!

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    1. Thanks, Michelle, reading your blog has helped me to see that even people who are at goal aren't perfect 100% of the time, and that definitely helps.

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  4. Hey--awesome post. I wish I could get a tattoo that said "I am a moderator not an abstainer" maybe right on my forehead so that my coworkers won't jump all over me when I eat something that is perceived as "bad". I am just learning this self love thing, trying to figure it all out. Love your blog. I'm Nellie btw. I found you through Emmie, and I saw on your sidebar that you are speaking at fitbloggin this year--so am I. :)

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    1. Thanks, I look forward to meeting you in Savannah!

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"Count your calories, work out when you can, and try to be good to yourself. All the rest is bulls**t." -- Jillian Michaels at BlogHer '07