when people find me and see “weight loss,” they want to know results. The truth is: I can’t give you the numbers you want. . . There’s only so long you can talk about your weight before it becomes a complete obsession. Every emotion gets tied to it. And it really makes you dislike yourself.
I am trying to do more than lose weight, even though weight loss is part of what I want to do. I want to find more than just a smaller me, I want to find a happier and healthier me, and I want to know myself better.
When I post a bad weigh-in and there is a challenge to figure out what I did wrong, I don't always feel like I did anything "wrong," it was just that other priorities took precedence over the weight loss that week.
My last weigh-in took place after a week that had all day meetings followed by a wine-and-cheese reception, Mother's Day, and my husband's birthday in it. I have an injury that prevents me from some of the exercise I would normally do to help give myself the wiggle room to enjoy some of the festivities without weight gain. I made compromises -- at the work event, I decided I really wanted to have a glass of wine and some cheese but stayed away from the store-bought sheet cake and omnipresent cookies. I filled up the rest of my little plate with raw veggies and some of the fresh fruit. I didn't completely abstain, because I didn't want to just stand on the sidelines with a glass of water and a fistful of celery.
I'm a moderator, not an abstainer. I understand that my perspective on this is just as hard to understand for people who hold the opposite view as theirs would be for me. I understand that my approach means slower weight loss. That's okay, because when I lost weight quickly before, I regained it just as quickly.
It's more important to me to feel comfortable in my own skin than to have a certain number on the scale or to have a certain number on the tag in my clothes. I have been finding it easier to look in the mirror (or my iPhone camera) and smile lately. That's real progress.