Monday, August 05, 2013

"Is it true, is it necessary, is it kind"

Or, what is apparently the full quote:
“It is spoken at the right time. It is spoken in truth. It is spoken affectionately. It is spoken beneficially. It is spoken with a mind of good-will.
I actually like the corrected quote better, especially the part about speaking affectionately and beneficially.

I am realizing how much I speak or write what is essentially "fat talk" (I am also guilty of "old talk," to a lesser extent), not realizing how it might be hurtful to others because I'm wrapped up in my own concerns.  I realized after a visit with a friend that I had mentioned my weight in a negative context several times, even though she is also struggling with her weight -- it didn't occur to me until later that she might take these comments as directed at her, even though I am sensitive to the same kind of talk from others.

I recently edited a post in the middle of the night because it struck me how my obsession about how certain clothes fit and/or did or didn't flatter me would strike other people as insensitive (the problem is that feed readers hang on to the first published draft, so I need to do this kind of thinking ahead of time). I get stuck inside my own head and forget to consider how other people might read what I say.

Even when I am just speaking to myself, I probably need to do a better job of doing it affectionately, beneficially, and "with a mind of good-will." I can be true and kind.

2 comments:

  1. It's been a long process for me to learn how to appropriately voice my thoughts but do it kindly with regards to others. So, even though I am at a normal weight now, I still engage in a lot of self-defeatist and self-loathing talk left over from over a decade of being obese. The problem is, most people in my life now don't KNOW that I was ever obese and think I am just a bitchy thin chick who wants to make them feel like crap. It's taken years of being careful with my words to be kind to others (and myself!)

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    Replies
    1. I think the issue of "well-timed" is important too. There are times when a "tough love" comment will help and when it will hurt. Chances are most people struggling with these issues are giving themselves plenty of tough and not much love.

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"Count your calories, work out when you can, and try to be good to yourself. All the rest is bulls**t." -- Jillian Michaels at BlogHer '07