Monday, August 05, 2013

"Is it true, is it necessary, is it kind"

Or, what is apparently the full quote:
“It is spoken at the right time. It is spoken in truth. It is spoken affectionately. It is spoken beneficially. It is spoken with a mind of good-will.
I actually like the corrected quote better, especially the part about speaking affectionately and beneficially.

I am realizing how much I speak or write what is essentially "fat talk" (I am also guilty of "old talk," to a lesser extent), not realizing how it might be hurtful to others because I'm wrapped up in my own concerns.  I realized after a visit with a friend that I had mentioned my weight in a negative context several times, even though she is also struggling with her weight -- it didn't occur to me until later that she might take these comments as directed at her, even though I am sensitive to the same kind of talk from others.

I recently edited a post in the middle of the night because it struck me how my obsession about how certain clothes fit and/or did or didn't flatter me would strike other people as insensitive (the problem is that feed readers hang on to the first published draft, so I need to do this kind of thinking ahead of time). I get stuck inside my own head and forget to consider how other people might read what I say.

Even when I am just speaking to myself, I probably need to do a better job of doing it affectionately, beneficially, and "with a mind of good-will." I can be true and kind.


  1. It's been a long process for me to learn how to appropriately voice my thoughts but do it kindly with regards to others. So, even though I am at a normal weight now, I still engage in a lot of self-defeatist and self-loathing talk left over from over a decade of being obese. The problem is, most people in my life now don't KNOW that I was ever obese and think I am just a bitchy thin chick who wants to make them feel like crap. It's taken years of being careful with my words to be kind to others (and myself!)

    1. I think the issue of "well-timed" is important too. There are times when a "tough love" comment will help and when it will hurt. Chances are most people struggling with these issues are giving themselves plenty of tough and not much love.


"Count your calories, work out when you can, and try to be good to yourself. All the rest is bulls**t." -- Jillian Michaels at BlogHer '07