Sunday, March 24, 2013

Feelings as a compass

This morning, I got up and played around with the body weight simulator some more. Then I realized I was really bored and dissatisfied with myself and the fact that I was doing something so abstract instead of doing something productive about my weight. I got my running clothes on and got out the door. I decided to listen to my audiobook of Jillian Michaels's Unilimited again. She talks in the first section about how on some level, we don't feel entitled to work toward big dreams, that we should just pay our dues and someday happiness will fall into our laps as a reward. Bingo. That's exactly what's been bothering me.  I feel like I have done the right things and paid my dues long enough in a lot of ways, and I'm not getting any younger. If I want something fabulous in my life, I am going to have to make it happen, and pronto.

One thing I really, really want to do is to give my fitness goals the attention and committed action that they deserve.  I have the right to be gorgeous if I want to, and if I ever want to make that happen, it should be soon.  That means not trying to parse the numbers so I don't have to work to lose weight, but to push myself a little so that it happens sooner rather than later.

I think that looking better will also help me as I start to push toward a more fulfilling career. Looks matter when looking for a job. I like the work I do, but don't see myself happy at the school forever.  I would like to either be at a bigger, more dynamic institution of higher education, or a smaller and more nimble workplace like my last job (but without the 45-minute commute) where I would be doing more interesting work, maybe traveling and training again. I need a 2- to 3-year plan and I have to think about what I want.

I did much better at my parents' house today. I enjoyed playing with my nephew instead of picking at the food. I planned a good dinner for tonight when I finally got hungry again, modeling a salmon salad I had Friday night when we went out.  I used a little balsamic glaze on it but no other dressing. It has spinach leaves, walnuts, a little feta, and a few berries. The salmon just had a little olive oil and some balsamic vinegar, plus salt and pepper. It was a perfect dinner after a heavy lunch. And starting next week, I am taking some new workout classes -- mostly strength-based -- which should shake up my routine a little.

Look out world, I am tired of playing it safe.

1 comment:

  1. Lots of good "aha!" moments here. I agree, the way you look does impact your career. It might not be fair, but that's just the way the world works. I also think that when we feel better about how we look, we are more confident and that goes a long way in advancing a career.

    I understand the "I gotta do it NOW before I get any older." For me, though, I've found that it doesn't help to put that added time pressure on myself. I just need to worry about today--what choices I make today. Today is all I have control over. Not to say our choices today don't affect our tomorrows; I try to think of my "day" starting at night--what I do the night before can impact the next day a great deal.

    I fully expect to be just as fit--or more so--when I'm 50 than I am now. I think you can certainly take that position, as well. And not just physically fit--mentally fit. I look at Vickie and think, that's where I want to be at 50.


"Count your calories, work out when you can, and try to be good to yourself. All the rest is bulls**t." -- Jillian Michaels at BlogHer '07