This vulnerability stuff is hard. Yesterday, as usual, when I finished my blog post I tweeted the title and a link from my phone. Except that I didn't tweet it @toledolefty, I tweeted it to my real-name twitter account, which is linked to facebook. I didn't even notice I had done this until a former student replied with a nice comment about what a good article it was. Then I immediately realized what I had done and panicked.
I don't attach my blog to my real identity to keep anyone professionally related to me from finding it in a Google search. Not because I say anything bad or unprofessional, but because this blog is so honest and discusses things (like my actual weight numbers and various neuroses) that seem too personal to be perused by students, my co-workers and superiors, or even most of my family members. I had a major freak out when I had some trouble deleting the tweet and the facebook post. I also worried about who else had seen it. I don't mind complete strangers reading about all the stuff rattling around inside my head, but I'm still a little weirded out by the thought of all of that being "out there" for people I know in my everyday life. It's just too vulnerable. I would feel especially weird if current students were reading, just because teaching itself is a pretty vulnerable act. Even though I talked yesterday about how important it is to allow myself to be vulnerable, this might be a bit too much for me.
I know that eventually someone is going to make the connection. It's fairly easy to figure it out with even the simplest of detective work. I put pictures of myself here, so if anyone who knows me stumbles across the blog, they will recognize me. I know, too, that if I ever decide to become a professional, or even self-published, writer, I'm going to have to put the real me out there. I'm just not ready to make it easy for my worlds to collide yet.