Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Worlds collide!

This vulnerability stuff is hard.  Yesterday, as usual, when I finished my blog post I tweeted the title and a link from my phone.  Except that I didn't tweet it @toledolefty, I tweeted it to my real-name twitter account, which is linked to facebook. I didn't even notice I had done this until a former student replied with a nice comment about what a good article it was. Then I immediately realized what I had done and panicked.

I don't attach my blog to my real identity to keep anyone professionally related to me from finding it in a Google search.  Not because I say anything bad or unprofessional, but because this blog is so honest and discusses things (like my actual weight numbers and various neuroses) that seem too personal to be perused by students, my co-workers and superiors, or even most of my family members.  I had a major freak out when I had some trouble deleting the tweet and the facebook post.  I also worried about who else had seen it.  I don't mind complete strangers reading about all the stuff rattling around inside my head, but I'm still a little weirded out by the thought of all of that being "out there" for people I know in my everyday life.  It's just too vulnerable. I would feel especially weird if current students were reading, just because teaching itself is a pretty vulnerable act.  Even though I talked yesterday about how important it is to allow myself to be vulnerable, this might be a bit too much for me.

I know that eventually someone is going to make the connection. It's fairly easy to figure it out with even the simplest of detective work.  I put pictures of myself here, so if anyone who knows me stumbles across the blog, they will recognize me. I know, too, that if I ever decide to become a professional, or even self-published, writer, I'm going to have to put the real me out there.  I'm just not ready to make it easy for my worlds to collide yet.

5 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness my heart just skipped a beat with vicarious panic, hehe. The perils of multiple Twitter accounts...

    I kept my blog an almost shameful secret for so long, it's kinda embarrassing now that I thought it was such a terrible thing. But I understand the desire to have that place to talk that not everyone knows about (lord knows I miss it now). Testament to your awesome writing that your student enjoyed the post! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I would have freaked out too.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Although I have never really tried to separate my worlds, there have been a few moments of similar panic. I miss Seinfeld :-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow - I can so identify! I blogged about almost the same thing today and (the other) Karen told me about your post. Coincidental. I has such a freak out that I temporarily took down my blog and it took me a week to even post about it! The other weird coincidence - what led to my real life and blog life connecting was writing about my son's college commencement speech!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I did this too. And I basically abandoned my other blog because I was so worried about it. And now I feel like I can't talk about all the things I want to talk about on my blog because I know for a fact my dad (and others) are reading. Ugh.

    ReplyDelete

"Count your calories, work out when you can, and try to be good to yourself. All the rest is bulls**t." -- Jillian Michaels at BlogHer '07