Saturday, September 17, 2011

Just quit TOPS

Last Monday, I weighed in but didn't stay for the meeting. My weight was up 1/4 pound and the weigher clucked a little under her breath in disapproval. I had a physical therapy appointment but also didn't feel like staying. In my absence, the group decided that each member would be responsible for calling another member once a week.

I had already been feeling like the group wasn't for me but this was the last straw. The member who called me is both impressive and a little intimidating. She kept calling and not leaving a message (I almost never answer my phone if I don't recognize the number) until I finally answered. The conversation was uncomfortable -- I hate telephone chats anyway, but especially about my weight loss failures. I got off as fast as I could. She has called and not left messages a few times since then.

I feel bad because she just called again and I called back and told her I was quitting the group and probably not very kindly. She had called to ask if I drink diet soda. I don't want someone treating. Me like a problem to be solved. I told her I hate talking on the phone and the idea of having to do it stressed me out when I was already too busy. I was pretty short and now I'm regretting the way I talked to her. I had been stressing out over how to leave the group gracefully but I failed big time on that. I wanted to try to call her house when no one would be home and leave a message but couldn't figure out when that would be.

I feel bad because I know I probably hurt her feelings but I was angry. She doesn't know me and I didn't ask for this kind of help. I thought TOPS would be a low-key, low-cost version of Weight Watchers. I guess it just wasn't right for me.

The phone, in my mind, is a business tool. I use it as little as possible. Even with my own friends and family, I avoid the phone. I like email and texting. I think in this case, the generation gap is too big.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

8 comments:

  1. I understand why you quit. I tried it twice, and both times, they were having a "potluck" complete with dips, chips, and desserts. They were long-time members who were very overweight. It became clear that it was a social club. However, I want to be clear in my belief that not all TOPS chapters are like that, but that's what I found it my community.

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  2. The weigher tsk-tsked because you'd gained a quarter of a pound? Umm... that's negligible, or meaningless. Geez, I would have left too!

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  3. Wow, I wouldn't stay either after that kind of support.

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  4. I went to a TOPS meeting a few weeks ago thinking, like you, that it would be a Poor Man's Weight Watchers. My experience was like E Jane's - long time members were very overweight and there seemed to be a lot of shaming and competition involved. The songs and pledges were hokey and I got the feeling that they hadn't had a new member in quite some time. It just wasn't what I was looking for.

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  5. First, given that it's common for people's weight to fluctuate 1-3 pounds from day to day tsking over a quarter pound is ridiculous.

    Second, don't feel bad about setting limits and determining what works better for you. I hate phone calls too, they're very intrusive. And I personally don't want advice from people who are not successful themselves.

    Good for you for being open and honest and doing what feels right for YOU.

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  6. I totally would have done the same thing. Don't beat yourself up for reacting like that. Having someone call me would be the last thing I'd want! The tsking doesn't help either.

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  7. Groups do vary. I am an assistant weight recorder and would never do that to anyone and try to always say something encouraging.

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  8. Anonymous7:54 PM

    MargieYahoo, This is the worst weight group I have ever been to.. Here in Wickenburg az the ladies are so clique. I was told by the leader all kinds of rules to get me to leave, because I was losing more than her buddie who she wanted to be Queen.. Insensetive and Rude and they called themselves Christians.. Hated the stupid games she played Old Lady stuff. Awful group.. Yes I agree with one of the ladies who posted,, I went to Breakfeast and say Bisquit and Gravy hash browns bacon What joke ,, Stupid weight loss how do they stay in business Man

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"Count your calories, work out when you can, and try to be good to yourself. All the rest is bulls**t." -- Jillian Michaels at BlogHer '07