I have resisted really admitting to myself that I really, truly, want to change. I kept feeling on some level that self-acceptance meant that I couldn't admit that there was anything I wanted to change about the way I am now. But hiding from cameras because you don't want to see what you look like in the pictures is not self-acceptance. That's denial.
Every weight-loss book worth its salt asks you to write out the reasons you really want to change and I have been resisting that like crazy. I have written some half-hearted attempts, but here is the real deal?
Why do I want to lose weight?
- I want to feel streamlined and sleek. I want to be carrying the exact amount of weight around that I need to accomplish my goals, no more, no less. That might not look like someone else's idea of fitness, but I want to look like MY idea of fitness.
- I want to be up for a challenge. I want to feel ready to go if someone suggests an adventure.
- I want to be able to do an Olympic-distance triathlon and finish strong. (First stop is the sprint, but this is my long-range goal).
- I want to get dressed quickly and feel like I look great instead of rooting through my closet for something that will hide all my flaws.
- I want my husband to feel like he has a partner who will help him live a healthy lifestyle.
- I want to feel great no matter what I'm wearing (or not wearing).
- I want to feel like smiling when someone points a camera at me.
- I want to be fit and healthy into my 70s and beyond like those awesome triathletes I saw picking up their awards yesterday.
- I want to be happy to be me.
- I want to be truthful with myself and take care of myself.
Time to get to work. Tomorrow I will write more about what I plan to do about all this.