The picture is from my first triathlon, Danskin Chicagoland in 2002. I was elated because I really wasn't sure I could do the race before I did it. When I signed up, I was putting a huge stretch goal out there, something that would really challenge me. For those six months, every day I thought about the race. It got me out of bed for 6 a.m. swims and made me think carefully about everything I ate and whether it would fuel me or sabotage me.
Where is that girl now? I could really use her attitude. I have done at least one sprint tri every year since then, but because I know I can do it, my attitude has really changed. I'm not sure how to change it back.
I am a little excited about the race tomorrow, but it doesn't feel like such a big deal. Part of it may be that when I did my first race, I thought that if I could do that, I would never be able to believe I was lazy or weak-willed again, and no one would ever think that about me either. Getting proven wrong on that really hurt. I know now that there is nothing that can completely make me safe from criticism, whether it's from myself or others.
Maybe I will find my old optimism on the race course tomorrow? That would mean a lot more to me than a silly medal.
Perhaps it's to your disadvantage that your mindset has changed, but with your skills at hand, you still have chances of winning- for the medal or to gain that will back.
ReplyDelete