...the cat is doing better. He has stopped vomiting so much (once in the last three days instead of at least once a day) and is eating like he's making up for lost time. He looks fatter, though it doesn't somehow translate to weight on the scale. (I will gladly give him some of my weight on the scale.) I am really wondering what is going on. This is the progress of events in May: He seems fine, he vomits blood, he goes to the emergency vet, he goes to the regular vet, he looks better, goes back to the vet, he looks like he's on death's door and we start thinking about euthanasia, he has a slightly better weekend, back to the vet again, he looks a little better, goes to the vet, looks worse, gets scheduled for an ultrasound to see if he has cancer, looks better, I cancel the ultrasound, and now he's getting fat and happy.
I'm not complaining about him seeming to get better, I just have no way of making sense of what is going on. I am hoping his renewed appetite and energy means maybe he is getting better from whatever is wrong with him. The vet could very well still think this is cancer playing tricks on us. I will know more on Tuesday. I think this is a life lesson in just enjoying the good times, but I think I'm failing, because I keep trying to read the tea leaves, "What does this all mean?"
About the feeling fat post -- I was at a Pilates workout where there were three of us there, one very thin person who is in training to be an instructor, the class instructor, and me. I had taken an interval workout class the day before and my muscles were sore, and I was not doing well in this class. I had eaten a light breakfast and was feeling hungry and exhausted after the workout, but a masochistic past self had signed me up for a second class twenty minutes after the first, not enough time to grab a snack in between. I scrounged some old lozenges out of my car to get a few calories into my body so I could make it through the second workout.
I felt better after having lunch, but I am still at a higher point on the scale than I'd like and am feeling frustrated that I'm not making more progress than I am. I have been adding in strength training, which I thought was the missing link, but I don't seem to be losing anything, and even the body fat scale has such wild swings that I'm not confident that I'm adding muscle yet either.
As someone posted in the comments, feelings aren't forever.
I am happy, actually, that I'm doing this on my own and not with Weight Watchers. If I was going to weigh-ins in the mood I'm in now, no one would want to be around me. LoseIt is pretty fun, too. A few people have friended me and some are posting encouraging comments, which is really nice.
Tonight we had thought about a walk or a bike ride, but the weather is too stormy and unpredictable. I have to admit, I like having an excuse to relax a little instead. I went for a run this morning and I think that's enough for me for today.