Just read a distressing post on a friend's blog about feeling desperate and drastic. I know how she feels. Lately the scale has edged up a bit. I thought at first that it was my sore muscles that were bumping it up -- when your muscles are sore, they are usually holding fluid. It may be monthly fluctuations. It may be because I haven't been logging my food or doing as much to focus on fruits and vegetables and have fallen back in love with pasta. It is probably a little of each of those things, but mostly the latter.
I have been feeling insecure and a little desperate and drastic myself, but I know that jumping into a strict program won't work for me. I need to edge back into a more normal relationship with food and my body. I have been listening to "When Food is Food and Love is Love" on my iPhone and she talks about the way that many of us use weight loss as a proxy for all the other things that we don't like in our lives. She says that instead of trying to deal with those problems by way of weight loss, maybe we could try dealing with them directly instead. It makes some sense. Her eating guidelines are simple but also surprisingly difficult: Eat when you're hungry. Stop when you've had enough. Eat calmly and without distractions. Eat what your body wants. A lot of her process is being curious about the feelings that drive you toward food instead of punishing yourself for wanting to comfort yourself with food. But she's not saying to follow that urge -- instead, you are supposed to really pay attention to what is going on, and what you really want.
I am working on following the guidelines. I was eating out with some other people today, and I realized about halfway through my meal that I had enough, but I still finished what was there. It's really difficult to break the clean-plate habit. It's going to take some work to really live this way, but I'm trying to continue the effort because I want a normal, natural relationship with food and not just another diet plan.