Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Sleepless in Toledo

I had one of those nights last night. It was hot in our room, the cat kept knocking things over to wake me up, I just couldn't get comfortable in bed. Of course, about twenty minutes after the bed felt like the most comfortable thing on earth...

"I have to be halfway across town in 20 minutes!" says my husband.

"Fine, go. What are you yelling at me for?" I mumble, half-asleep still.

When I was tossing and turning, I tried to bore myself to sleep with a little visualization of what I would look like when I was at my goal weight and buying all new clothes. Oddly, this was not the comforting, easy prelude to dreamland that I thought it would be. I just couldn't imagine it, and then I got wound up wondering what that meant.

Then when I finally fell asleep, I dreamed about obsessively searching for the right bikini to wear to the beach (as if).

The last time I got to my goal weight, I had fun shopping for smaller and smaller sizes, but then I sort of forgot about clothes because I didn't worry anymore about what I looked like. Feeling that way was really disorienting. It was like I didn't know what to do with all my unused brainpower (and at that point, I was still in a PhD program, so there is really something wrong with me). I used to get up, put on the first shirt and pants I grabbed, and be off to the races. It's hard to imagine that kind of life.

I really wonder if the secret to getting there is being able to picture it, and I also wonder why I can't really do that. Something to ponder, I guess, when my brain finally wakes up.

3 comments:

  1. Maybe you might want to put together a scrapbook, sort of a vision of what you will look like, the clothes you will buy, and the things you will think about, not just when at your goal, but during your journey. I started something similar although it is only a scrapbook in the sense it is a collection of stuff, it's not really pretty or anything. But I think you do need a vision.

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  2. Maybe looking at pictures from when you were at your goal weight might help. I know that helps me to envision where I want to be.

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  3. Carol's on to something. You have done treasure maps in the past; why not something specific to clothes and body? Unless that would feel depressing and make you think of where you are NOT instead of where you're headed.

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"Count your calories, work out when you can, and try to be good to yourself. All the rest is bulls**t." -- Jillian Michaels at BlogHer '07