Did you miss me? I put up my little "Best of Jen" post last week because I knew I wouldn't be around much. I told myself I was not allowed to blog until I turned my grades in. This was the first time I taught this particular class and I had too many assignments due at the end of the term. That's the thing that students don't realize: The more work I make for them, the more work I make for me. I'm making some changes for next term.
I am still waiting for some development in my future work status and I've been making myself a little crazy worrying about it. There is a part of me that is rational and sane and a part of me that is screaming inside my head in fear. My husband has a good job but we need my income to pay the bills, and we've just been getting by on the money I'm making now -- there's no way to get ahead. And then there is Christmas, and the screen door is broken, and I accidentally washed a contact lens down the drain.... I go on and on like this, as if it does any good. I just have to trust things will be OK, while keeping an eye out for other opportunities.
I was listening to a Jillian Michaels podcast yesterday. One of her contestants was going through a tough time and he said, "I just want to win this battle within myself." She responded with, "What battle? There is no battle!" Basically, she was saying that casting yourself as the star of your own drama and losing perspective makes everything harder than it needs to be. It's just weight loss, it's not saving the world from evil.
Drama can be sort of exciting, and it can make us feel really important, and it has the added benefit of distracting us from taking action. I think it all comes down to acceptance. If we're still struggling with, "It's so unfair! I shouldn't be having this problem," then we can't really move ahead and actually work toward a solution.
I know several people who are living with serious illnesses. There are many people who are actually out of work and not just worrying that they might be. Everyone has problems. There's a Zen aphorism: "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." I'm going to have to learn to tolerate a little uncertainty without making a big production out of it.
In other news, Mary Lou says I'm still maintaining my weight. I've gotten to the point where I walk out of the room after I get the weight stat, cruelly ignoring her earnest advice. Poor thing.