Saturday, August 02, 2008

Time to get out of my own way?

I've been thinking a lot about my last post on Angry Fat Girlz, and at the same time, reading The Codependent's Guide to the Twelve Steps. I think that a lot of people with weight issues are probably codependent, and actually, a lot of reasons I listed in my post that weight loss is so hard have to do with focusing too much on what other people think of us. I remember that a long time ago (the post is probably here somewhere), I figured out that the real secret of weight loss is getting all the crazy head stuff out of the way so that I can focus on the daily grind of it. As long as I am doing it to win other people's approval, the first setback is going to send me back to the brownies. But I don't think it's something that you can ever figure out and then move on from. Like yoga and meditation and Buddhism, it seems like sanity is a practice.

The Codependent's Guide to the Twelve Steps suggests that you don't figure out recovery, you just become willing to let it happen and step out of the way. I wonder if weight loss is sort of like that. I think I've been thinking about it too much.

I recommend the book for just about anyone. It's written in a very down-to-earth tone. I am not a big fan of the term "codependency," but the discussion of traits that felt so familiar -- a need for control, a belief that I have to be perfect, the feeling that I should solve my own problems without help and help others with their problems, difficulty in identifying and handling my own problems -- was useful to me. And the book led me to a similar conclusion as an Elastic Waist post a while ago:

people do talk about our flaws, and mock them, and all the happy hippy la la stuff we tell ourselves isn't going to make the bitchy, judgmental assholes go
away. But the beautiful thing about that is the pithy, to-the-point, brilliantly simple shrug-off. Who cares about the bitchy, judgmental assholes? Who cares what a cowardly jerk thinks? Seriously. Why is this such a difficult-to-grasp concept?

And the answer, of course, is that we think if we were ever just good enough, all those people would go away. But they won't, ever. Your basic celebrity news rag should prove it to us all: We will never be so gorgeous that some horrible person can't find something to mock. But as someone wrote in the comments: "It's none of your business what other people think of you."


  1. "You don't figure out recovery, you just become willing to let it happen and step out of the way. I wonder if weight loss is sort of like that. I think I've been thinking about it too much."

    Whoa, does that sound familiar. Overthinking, overanalyzing, trying to understand to the nth degree instead of being willing to let it happen and stepping out of the way so it can.

    I think I may need to read this book myownself.

  2. Oh, man, did this hit home!

    When you walk dogs -- especially when a couple of them border on unruly/vicious -- you get a lot of looks, all of which I interpret as the evil eye variety. Sometimes they are. I would SO like to be able to let those go.

    One reason I don't mind being a slacker dog-walker is that the dogs don't care what I look like, whether I'm brilliant or funny or anything else. I'm working on allowing myself to test those things in the real world & let go of the results.

    But slowly. Today is a Klonopin morning because I'm mysteriously anxious about what the day's looks and productivity will be...

  3. This is a great post - we DO overanalyze and overthink (at least, I do) - constantly wondering WHY I binge, WHY I can't stop when I'm full, WHY WHY WHY... and the reality may be, it doesn't really matter why... it just matters that I choose to do something that puts me on a different path. Thanks for giving me something to think about today... and thanks for the terrific blog.


"Count your calories, work out when you can, and try to be good to yourself. All the rest is bulls**t." -- Jillian Michaels at BlogHer '07