The Codependent's Guide to the Twelve Steps suggests that you don't figure out recovery, you just become willing to let it happen and step out of the way. I wonder if weight loss is sort of like that. I think I've been thinking about it too much.
I recommend the book for just about anyone. It's written in a very down-to-earth tone. I am not a big fan of the term "codependency," but the discussion of traits that felt so familiar -- a need for control, a belief that I have to be perfect, the feeling that I should solve my own problems without help and help others with their problems, difficulty in identifying and handling my own problems -- was useful to me. And the book led me to a similar conclusion as an Elastic Waist post a while ago:
And the answer, of course, is that we think if we were ever just good enough, all those people would go away. But they won't, ever. Your basic celebrity news rag should prove it to us all: We will never be so gorgeous that some horrible person can't find something to mock. But as someone wrote in the comments: "It's none of your business what other people think of you."
people do talk about our flaws, and mock them, and all the happy hippy la la stuff we tell ourselves isn't going to make the bitchy, judgmental assholes go
away. But the beautiful thing about that is the pithy, to-the-point, brilliantly simple shrug-off. Who cares about the bitchy, judgmental assholes? Who cares what a cowardly jerk thinks? Seriously. Why is this such a difficult-to-grasp concept?