Sunday, June 29, 2008

lonely fat girlz?

After a lot of time reading the various blogs that branched off from the AFG blog, one thing that strikes me is that many of the readers and bloggers there live alone. I normally don't live alone, but my husband went off to a sporting event. I haven't spent much time home alone lately, and I thought my husband leaving for a few days would give me a chance to regroup and pull together something resembling Weight Watchers, maybe get back on a healthy-food kick. It would be like a week at the spa! I started out with great intentions, stocked the fridge with lovely farmers' market produce and bought all kinds of whole grains. I made a tabbouli salad which would be great for me to eat throughout the week!

Instead, the demonic part of me is thinking, "No witnesses!" Who's to know or care if I go out for gelato, or have half a bag of tortilla chips for dinner? Watching an episode of "Food Challenge" on the Food Network (v. bad idea) had me fantasizing about making up a pot of macaroni and cheese. The tabbouli, feh. The recipe made such a depressingly huge amount of it that I'd have to have it every day for a week. That thought makes me not want to touch it, even though it was pretty good when I had some yesterday.

So I felt the need to go cut up a red pepper to munch on while I wrote this post, because even though I haven't pulled any really terrible food stunts, I realized that my vegetable serving count for today was only 2. Now I'm up to a respectable 3, at least. I did have some berries with yogurt earlier. Mostly what I want is the (Un)Holy Trinity: Starch, Fat, and Salt. Maybe a little Sweet, just as a chaser.

So I don't know how much of this behavior is a response to feeling lonely and bored and unmotivated to do anything productive, but I suspect that it's way up there. I took a walk, straightened up the house, did some laundry, changed the sheets on the bed, took a shower, and it's only 7 p.m. Not sure whether to be sad that my weekend is ending, or just relieved. Maybe this sense of empty time is one of the challenges for many of the Angry Fat Girlz?

Decided the next healthiest thing to do would be to write down the stuff I've eaten but not journaled yet: about half an ear of sweet corn (it was too chewy, 1 point) a 99-cent bag of Smartfood cheddar cheese popcorn (7 points), some very salty pistachios (3 points), some crackers and cheese (4 points), and half a raw red pepper (o points).

Since I ate healthy food most of the day, that just dips me 7 points into my Flex points for this week. Not as bad as I thought, before I took the time to tally things. I just stopped in the middle of my post and put on decent clothes, because even though I have no real plans for the rest of the night, there's no need to rub it in.


  1. You're right that there are no witnesses for the Lonely (or just Alone) Fat Girlz. No one to watch and by doing so, inspire us to stay with a program. No one to notice if we stray and eat Edy's in huge portions and write it down as 1/2 C. No one to go for a walk with. But there's no one to tempt us, either.

    I think it has to be much harder for someone used to being around others all the time (partner or family) when they suddenly find themselves alone for a period of time, the way you are now. You do get used to it and settle into different living.

    With lots of taboli :) I love some and will join you tomorrow so you can have company!

  2. Sometimes that happens to me too when Miguel goes away. I think it's a mixture of the no witnesses thing and the boredom. Just get back on track and this will soon be a distant memory :)

    Easier said than done...right? yeah, I know. But you're thinking about it so that's part of the process. Keep at it!

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  4. Sometimes I think it is the grass is always greener kind of thing - solo think it would be easier with someone else - those cooking for or eating with others - think it would be so much easier solo.

    I am a very odd mix - because I cook for myself - much of what I eat - NO one else in the house eats. And yes, I cook for 4 others - and most of what they eat - I do not. I often think that if I were suddenly solo - my eating would be exactly the same - because my own shopping/cooking/eating feels very solo now.

  5. It is hard when you live by yourself; like Anne says, no witnesses. :-)

    I think after you've been with someone for a long time, it's hard to suddenly be alone like you were on a weekend. OTOH, I used to take advantage of my ex's conferences to stay late, listen to music and do things that he couldn't interfere with like reorganizing. But everyone is different and I know by Sunday I would miss him a lot.

    Good job on stopping when you did and getting in some vegetables!

  6. I've experienced life both ways. I had a husband that loved to eat and I ate right along with him. However, I was fat when I meet him and I'm fat now that he is gone. I've read several sites on AFG but just can't get into them. I tend to go with the easy route which is fast food. This is a terrible habit that must be broken.

    My sister, who has been married over 50 years, just cannot understand why I am not skinny. I guess it is one of those you have to walk in my shoes type of thing.

    You did well to be mindful that you needed to get in more veggies. My downfall is that I fail to record; therefore, I forget that I have already exceeded my daily points and my weekly points. Recording and checking off is important. I'm proud of you.

  7. Hi Jen. I love your blog, appreciate and relate to your goals, and admire your work. thanks for sharing.


"Count your calories, work out when you can, and try to be good to yourself. All the rest is bulls**t." -- Jillian Michaels at BlogHer '07