I work with a lot of skinny people. They are forever saying things like, "I can't eat bread first thing in the morning or I am sleepy all day" or "I just don't feel good if I don't work out." They're all nice, but it tends to feel like a not-so-subtle dig at my not-so-slender current state. I am already feeling fat, and there is this hyper-fit culture that is annoying because there is an assumption that I wouldn't possibly fit into it because I'm not thin. Actually, though, I'm fairly athletic with bad genes. So there. Besides, maybe they're not thinking that at all, and I'm just bringing a healthy serving of my own insecurity, with a side of fries. Today, I heard a discussion going on about "What are the lengths for an Olympic triathlon?" And I wanted to answer, because I've actually done two of them. But that might just shock everyone in a very unpleasant way, and besides, I was far enough away to make chiming in awkward. So I just kept it to myself -- at least I know my ownself that I have had some kick-ass races in my past and expect to have them in my future, too.
I have just tried to step away. I keep repeating in my head, "I don't have to prove anything to anyone." And I don't. I was actually unhappy that I bumped into work people when running on the treadmill yesterday in the fitness center of the hotel, because I don't like people to see me all sweaty and red-faced.
Tomorrow I'm skipping the fitness center and waiting for first light, so I can walk out for a beautiful coffee and a breakfast somewhere away from the carbphobics. They'll be so busy eyeing the evil bread that they won't even notice my absence.