Saturday, April 05, 2008

advice, unsolicited

I work with a lot of skinny people. They are forever saying things like, "I can't eat bread first thing in the morning or I am sleepy all day" or "I just don't feel good if I don't work out." They're all nice, but it tends to feel like a not-so-subtle dig at my not-so-slender current state. I am already feeling fat, and there is this hyper-fit culture that is annoying because there is an assumption that I wouldn't possibly fit into it because I'm not thin. Actually, though, I'm fairly athletic with bad genes. So there. Besides, maybe they're not thinking that at all, and I'm just bringing a healthy serving of my own insecurity, with a side of fries. Today, I heard a discussion going on about "What are the lengths for an Olympic triathlon?" And I wanted to answer, because I've actually done two of them. But that might just shock everyone in a very unpleasant way, and besides, I was far enough away to make chiming in awkward. So I just kept it to myself -- at least I know my ownself that I have had some kick-ass races in my past and expect to have them in my future, too.

I have just tried to step away. I keep repeating in my head, "I don't have to prove anything to anyone." And I don't. I was actually unhappy that I bumped into work people when running on the treadmill yesterday in the fitness center of the hotel, because I don't like people to see me all sweaty and red-faced.

Tomorrow I'm skipping the fitness center and waiting for first light, so I can walk out for a beautiful coffee and a breakfast somewhere away from the carbphobics. They'll be so busy eyeing the evil bread that they won't even notice my absence.

3 comments:

  1. Don't borrow insecurities. Did you consider that perhaps they see you as "one of them"? Either way, I wouldn't waste any time worrying about it. It's not worth the emotional energy or the toll it takes on self esteem. You're wonderful just as you are.

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  2. I don't think that these "skinny" people are trying to hurt you or are purposely trying to be rude. They are just carrying on a conversation. You shouldn't take things personally,especially when you are feeling more vulnerable. Who knows, maybe those "skinny" people are actually trying to engage you.

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  3. I have to agree with the above but I also have to tell you, I have been there. Reading this post made me think I was writing about myself. I, too am somewhat athletic with bad genes. I am more active than most of my skinny friends. I, too also have insecurities based on my weight. You know, usually we are our own worst enemies. We make up our own stories. The bright side is it gets easier, the confidence gets better if you let it.

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"Count your calories, work out when you can, and try to be good to yourself. All the rest is bulls**t." -- Jillian Michaels at BlogHer '07