Sunday, April 22, 2007

time's up

It was late in coming, but spring is finally here, and with it comes all my yearly ambivalence about it. All the things I meant to do over the winter but didn't come crashing down on my head. For one thing, I had planned to be done writing my first draft of the dissertation by now and I'm still analyzing my data. I personally claimed responsibility for each freak spring snowfall because they let me feel less panicky about my slow progress.

Worse yet, oddly enough, is missing my weight-goal deadlines. It's easy to brush away any urgency about weight loss as you're scanning the menu and thinking about how good the artichoke dip (which is more cheese than artichoke) sounds. It's less easy when you have the first day in the 70s and realize that shorts-and-sundresses weather is on its way. Or, when other women start wearing less clothes and you start playing "Compare and Despair." I know, rationally, that there is nothing constructive in eyeing every midriff-baring twentysomething and thinking, wistfully, about my own inability to ever achieve a figure like that even when I was younger. The women I'm most envious of have bodies smaller than mine was when I was a normal-sized 12-year-old, and, unless I somehow learn witchcraft, I don't think I'll ever become a slim-hipped blonde with skinny legs.

I could come up with a happy, philosophical way to wrap up this post if I tried hard enough, but in reality, this stuff is hard and frustrating and makes me feel like the troll under the bridge, annoyed with the little trip-trap of those cute little goats.

3 comments:

  1. One reason to continue with your weight loss: I have over a hundred weight loss blogs on my RSS feed and I have yet to read of one single blogger who has reached their goal weight. Assuming your weight would be 155lbs, you could be my first and you'd be listed on my blog roll under "Weight loss hall of fame".

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  2. As depressing as spring can be at times, you should continue with your weight loss. Consider where you were a year ago. And what would have have happened if you hadn't been watching what you eat and exercising? You wouldn't have that cute Ann Taylor outfit for one thing.

    We all go through the experience of wishing we had done better on this or that. Right now, you're in the middle of a degree program and everything IS in an uproar and unsettled. Maybe right now, this is the best you can do given the stress, uncertainty, etc. But don't give up. It is hard and frustrating but think how frustrated you would be now if you hadn't lost the weight. I'm rooting for you!

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  3. I didn't mean to suggest I was giving up, more that spring reminds me that I've missed a chance to be at goal before shorts weather starts. I'm still trying -- in fact, I bought a new journal because my old one was depressing me with all its empty pages.

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"Count your calories, work out when you can, and try to be good to yourself. All the rest is bulls**t." -- Jillian Michaels at BlogHer '07