Friday, January 19, 2007

nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal exists

One of my friends is a big fan of A Course in Miracles. To me, the idea of a text "scribed" by a woman who believed she was taking dictation from Jesus is a little odd, but I have a copy that I happened to see at the bookstore after he mentioned it to me.

Though I found the book to be a bit ponderous, I did like the lines I used for the title: "Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists." I had it taped up over my desk at my last job to remind me that the everyday agitations and the dramas couldn't really touch me, no matter how bad they seemed. Since leaving that job, I've lost about 10 pounds, and I've stopped grinding my teeth at night when I sleep.

Last night I woke up worried over some of the Big Things going on in my life. I felt behind schedule on my dissertation. Like every single other graduate student I know, I have a not-so-secret fear that my advisor thinks I'm a dimwit. I'm, of course, worried that I won't get a job or even an interview.

In the middle of the night (usually around 4 a.m.), my mind will not accept reason or logic. Once I get up and have breakfast, I usually can think more clearly. The job stuff, the school stuff -- that is all important to me, but it's not all there is to me. I had a life when when I started school -- a home, a happy marriage, family members, friends -- and I still have those things. If I graduate later, I'll be OK. If I don't get a job right away, I'll be OK. If I don't get the kind of job I'm looking for right now, I'll find something else, and work on making myself a better candidate for other jobs. Or maybe I'll be like Augusten Burroughs and write a novel in 14 days and get it published. I will finish on time or I will work things out. "All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well."

Nothing real can be threatened.

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"Count your calories, work out when you can, and try to be good to yourself. All the rest is bulls**t." -- Jillian Michaels at BlogHer '07