Friday, October 13, 2006

rough couple of days

So yesterday, I had a meeting with my advisor. She is good at, as I think the phrase goes, "killing me with faint praise." She's a nice enough person but she isn't someone who gives compliments, and I find myself talking more and more to try to say something that will win her approval, and ending up feeling like an even bigger idiot. It's rough. And something I said yesterday has come back to haunt me: "I have three interviews this weekend, hope nothing goes wrong."

It was a throwaway phrase but I really haven't felt great about this trip to Chicago, even though I was looking forward to a change of scenery. Sure enough, I hyper-planned the little stupid things, like what clothes to take, and failed to check the most basic and important ones, like where my bus stops and what time it left. So it left. Three minutes before I got to the right stop. I called the company but it was too late -- I was supposed to be there fifteen minutes early and ended up there ten minutes after it was scheduled to leave. So apparently they waited for me a few minutes.

I was lucky, in a sense. I got a ticket on the next bus, which leaves at 7 (I will be there at 6:30, maybe even 6:00) and the people I am interviewing were nice about allowing me to reschedule the interviews. I have two interviews tomorrow. The third will wait until I go back to interview other people in the same town. Still, the aftermath is tough -- I feel physically ill and very depressed. I'm sure it's a side effect of the adrenaline on overdrive.

I am sure a lot of these things could be lessons for weight loss, life, etc. But I don't have the mental energy to wrap this post up in a neat little bow. I'm mostly calmed down, though I feel pretty stupid (this is the theme of the week) about all of it. The thing that makes me feel worst is how I begged and cried and ranted at the poor guy unfortunate enough to take my customer service call. He was very nice and professional. Hopefully there is a karmic reward for him for being so understanding, better yet, maybe they get to record their phone calls and submit them for some kind of "crazy person of the week" prize. If so, he will win for sure. Heather (from the Biggest Loser), I apologize for calling you a crybaby. I have you beat.

This is my prayer for the day: That in the future I am more understanding of other people's mistakes, and even my own. That I will be kinder to people when they need someone to listen, and that I will be the kind of person who helps in a crisis and makes people feel good about themselves. That I will handle setbacks more gracefully and not make myself and other people suffer so much when things don't go the way they planned.

Thank God for Plan B.


  1. I'm sorry that you had a bad start to your trip. Sometimes, things just happen. We're all human. (Remind me of this later when I say something about myself, okay?)

    I don't think you appreciate how much your life has changed and the pressure you're under with the dissertation, interviews, job hunting, etc. Give yourself a break too. Things always look easy but it's always a bit deceptive too.

    (Lose weight? Why it's easy. Eat less and move more! It's not so easy as we all know.)

    Have fun in that toddling town, okay?

  2. If you have said before, I apologize for not remembering - what is the topic of your dissertation? Or what (in general) are the interviews asking/doing? How are you finding your people - like the ones in Chicago??? I can't even remember your field of study - and I know I remember you all talking about that long ago on Amazon.

    What you described in this post is what I feel all the time. If it is a situation out of my control - medical emergency for example - I am fine. If it is ME messing up a time or day or appointment - It haunts me for days.

    I just heard a radio show talking about the people who tend to have weight problems - those that are perfectionists and tend toward compulsiveness - of course.


"Count your calories, work out when you can, and try to be good to yourself. All the rest is bulls**t." -- Jillian Michaels at BlogHer '07